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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

How to tell if you're asian...

  1. Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm
  2. Your dad is some sort of engineer
  3. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15
  4. You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing
  5. You have a 25kg bag of rice in your pantry
  6. You shop at $2 shops
  7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from
  8. You've had a bowl haircut (asian bob) at one point in your life
  9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids
  10. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so that you can save and reuse the wrapping (especially those ribbons).
  11. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage"
  12. You drive mostly Japanese cars.
  13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom
  14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dog, eg. pig trotters
  15. At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say...."
  16. You know what bok choy is
  17. You've gotten little red envelopes around February
  18. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors
  19. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
  20. You have no eyelashes
  21. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong chang,etc..
  22. Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin
  23. You save grocery bags, til foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.
  24. Your cousins aren't just "Cousin's" they are divided into your mum's side or you dad's side, and you have to remember which side the come from.
  25. At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses
  26. You don’t own any real Tupperware; only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine rubs, take-out containers, and jam jars.
  27. Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian
  28. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take home every time you stay in a hotel.
  29. You wipe your plates and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you are in a restaurant.
  30. Your parents say, "I did these maths equations when I was in grade 6!"
  31. Everyone thinks you're good at math
  32. Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "ai-yah's", "wah's" and "la's"
  33. You buy dramas
  34. You own a rice cooker and/or a slow cooker.
  35. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green
  36. Your parents insist you marry within your race
  37. You never order special fried rice, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation of oriental food
  38. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
  39. Your parents have never kissed you
  40. You have never seen you parents kiss each other
  41. You fight (literally) over who pays the dinner bill, and everyone stares at you
  42. You’re a wok user
  43. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate
  44. You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle"
  45. You only make long distance calls after 7pm.
  46. You prefer your shrimps with the heads and legs still attached; it means they’re fresh.
  47. Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat anyway. It's still good."
  48. The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.
  49. You will most likely be taller than your parents
  50. Your parents have either make you play the piano, the violin, or both
  51. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't
  52. When going to other people's houses, you always have to bring a gift
  53. You never call your parents to say hi.
  54. Your parents tell you not to eat too much fried foods or baked goods because they’re heaty (上火)
  55. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don’t eat the last piece of food on the table.
  56. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture
  57. You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine
  58. You starve yourself before going to an all-you-can-eat buffet.
  59. You buy the biggest bottle of soy sauce
  60. You know someone who can get you a good deal of jewellery or electronics or computers.
  61. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going
  62. Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come.
  63. You take all the unused bath and facial tissues with you when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid for them all.
  64. You wrap all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline you fly on and put them in your travel bag.
  65. You're only allowed to wear slippers inside the house (no outdoor shoes)
  66. You always have to greet an "Auntie or Uncle" whenever you see them (阿姨, 好) or (叔叔, 好)
  67. You never waste food.
    a) Even if you’re totally full, if someone says s/he is going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you’ll finish them. (Your mom will give a lecture about starving kids in Africa).
    b) You have always have leftovers in the fridges, even if theyre just two bites of rice or one chicken wing.
    c) One of your parents eats it
    d) They leave it for you to eat the following day

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